Something that personally activates me is the “well-intentioned pep talk.”
A lot of times, women will give me one of these. It leaves me confused and, honestly, feeling a little dirty.
Just the other day, I made a comment about someone, and I said, “She went into the restroom, and she came out looking better than I’ve ever looked in my life~!”
I meant that as a sincere compliment about that other woman. That earned me a well-intentioned pep talk.
“You get so down on yourself.”
…No. No, I don’t. I think I’m very attractive.
I have amazing energy, which helps. I have a jawline that looks like a chiseled rock. I have stellar eyes and a beautiful smile. Have you seen my calves? And, paradoxically, I can make a joke because I also can be a complete frump; I haven’t tweezed my eyebrows since 2021, and I haven’t shaved my legs since last summer. (Oh, another god-given gift: I have no hair on my upper legs and blonde hair on my lower legs. Be jealous.)
Another recent example of this sort of pep talk was when I said something about the 2020 “naked photos” my friends sent to one another out of early pandemic boredom.
I saw it on the FecalBook memories and I reposted with, “I’d kill to have that body now.”
That also got me a well-intentioned pep talk… from a woman.
After analyzing this for years, I understand now why they do it. They believe when I write these statements that I am in *pain.*
You can want a nicer body… and not be in pain about the one you reside in.
I don’t have pain in this area, although most women I know do.
There’s a meme out there that says something about the average man looking like “warm coleslaw.” I love that one, and I want to reference it here for example.
The average warm coleslaw-looking man knows he looks like warm coleslaw and probably wants to look like colder, crisper coleslaw… But that doesn’t mean he hates himself. You can (here’s our paradox) want better and not hate yourself currently.
I do have pain that begs a pep talk, but it isn’t one of this “image” variety. It aligns with a more masculine experience.
I can look at a fat roll and be like, “Oh, that’s there, OK.”
But MONEY? That’s a whole other can of worms.
Did you know that on platforms like Stripe or PayPal, if you don’t earn over $20,000 or have over 200 transactions in a calendar year, you won’t get a 1099?
I know that. Do you know how I know? Do you know that the year that happened, I hung my head in utter shame going to the accountant? I beat myself up and down the street. Where was my pep talk THEN!?
I appreciate your well-intentioned pep talk about the woman in the club dress, but that is not where my fucking pain is.
Perhaps it’s a good idea to realize that your well-intentioned pep talk is about you and not the person you’re attempting to “soothe.” It’s often not welcome, either.
You’re trying to soothe your unresolved issues, and sometimes, you’ll be bringing that to someone else when they don’t even have that pain! Why are you giving someone antibiotics for a virus?
How about you swallow your own penicillin? I’m allergic.
*ICYMI: I am giving a three-hour course on having hard conversations. Read about it here! It’s coming up on May 15 @ 11:30 am Eastern and it’s 25 bucks.
FecalBook haha love it.
Some self-deprecation is nice, that's what I love about Mexican culture and the pre-smartphone generations.
That's funny on the 1099. I was paid for a while on Medium and would get cents per article. It was so insulting. The insults were topped off when I got a 1099 from them for like $8.84. Had to put that into my tax software and then it reminded me again the next year lol (I'd quit by then).
"Have you seen my calves?" Says every committed runner. 🤣