"The Density"

On navigating pervasive victim consciousness after life in a high-integrity coaching orbit

The snow is falling outside, and it’s beautiful.

I’m here with my cinnamon coffee, frustrated by the draft of a piece I’ve been writing for four days, but am unhappy with.

This is a new draft.

I don’t typically take days to write a piece. I sit down, write whatever is inside, and publish it. Whatever you read from me is usually fresh as of the morning it went out.

There have been a lot of feelings lately that I can’t identify, mainly the ones associated with being back in the density and the way that feels to my body.

I’m not working in the orbit of the coaches any longer, so personal responsibility, agency, integrity, and commitment are not a dominant part of the default current or narrative. I am working to create them, but I feel very isolated and often inundated by the dominant culture, which is overrun with lateness, victim consciousness, trauma bonding, and finger-pointing.

I’ve been told by multiple women that I “have trauma because I am a woman.” (This is not my life experience, and I wrote four excellent pieces in 2025 on this subject.)

1. https://viewfromtheroof.substack.com/p/the-power-of-being-a-woman

2. https://viewfromtheroof.substack.com/p/in-her-infinite-becoming

3. https://viewfromtheroof.substack.com/p/the-myth-that-women-must-do-it-alone

4. https://viewfromtheroof.substack.com/p/on-being-a-female-with-no-performance

I’ve had people attempt to loop me into survival narratives that I’ve worked very hard to let go of.

I remember a moment with my coach last year when I realized the divine power I had in not carrying on a generational pattern of getting married for survival. I cried while releasing it, as I not only honored the long and somewhat difficult road I chose to take but also honored my ancestors, who didn’t have that choice.

It’s hard when people try to pull you from a place of peace back into “life is such an injustice.”

I miss The Coach’s Operating System, the community I was a part of (and subsequently worked in) where I evolved my level of being and leadership. It was sunset at the end of last year, and while I understood the “why” for it, I was very sad to see it go. That high-integrity community was always with me as I navigated the world of the density— “the density” being the world in which I have returned.

So many people in the density are eager to tell you how much of a victim you are to everything: your gender, your race, the president, your country of origin, your religion, the economy, your job, white men, capitalism, doctors, the media, systems… And in just about every case, there is evidence, substantial evidence, that this is true.

I am a sociologist with a systems brain. I’m acutely aware of macro systemic oppression— it’s not a falsehood. It’s not made up.

And, in all cases, speaking that narrative aloud keeps individual people in metaphorical cages. Speaking the words reinforces the captivity of the experience. If you’re committed to being a victim of any of the aforementioned, you’ll always be a victim of it. Further, and maybe harder to hear, is that everything we speak becomes reality.

The anger and the unresolved curricula just feed the machine and intensify its power. Everything we say and feel becomes again, stronger yet.

This is usually the point where I start going on an explanatory side street of “I have privilege here, but not over here, and here is how hard this was, and here’s why” and … I’m not going to do that this time. I’ve done that for a half-decade and it’s no longer of service. I’ve had both an incredibly easy time, and a very hard time in my life.

Speaking new words was the only thing that set me free.

Almost all of the ancient traditions agree on this concept. There’s also the principles of quantum mechanics, a rabbit hole I won’t do the disservice of trying to consolidate into two sentences.

Abracadabra, from the ancient Aramaic, means “I create as I speak.”

I said once to someone I deeply love, almost yelling, “SAY DIFFERENT WORDS.” I could have been pounding her head with a brick to expose the grey matter; it wouldn’t have gone in.

But that’s the rub, right? You can’t force, logic, or rationalize anyone to a breakthrough. They almost always have to come to it by a harsh disruption of the default operating system: crisis, trauma, disease, diagnosis, or betrayal (words I once heard Joe Dispenza speak.)

I, too, came to it that way, left at an airport in the middle of the night in January 2018 by my boyfriend at the time, spending hours in the cold pre-TSA area before getting a flight home to New York. I didn’t just wake up … I fought the process of awakening, content to be angry at everyone, and then stayed angry, for years. I still get spurts of anger when an unresolved issue pops up.

The most challenging part of being in the density is holding strong when I am so vehemently outnumbered. When the majority is content to milk the drama of how “horrific the world is,” unknowingly creating that same thing to repeat with every thought, feeling, and action, it is incredibly lonely to say, “I choose peace in my heart and a regulated nervous system, and I am not going to jump in with you as you create furious upset.”

The only thing you can control about the world is the state of your nervous system. I’ve been the angry person yelling— the world was no better for it, and neither were the people around me. Since I’ve regulated myself, I’ve been able to lead others more powerfully.

The signal from a regulated nervous system is enough to neutralize the elements that create conflict and war. To be an agent of change, one first must create peace within themselves and live a life of integrity.

From Inward by Yung Pueblo

The Coach’s Operating System churned more people than it retained.

Any high-integrity community will do that.

Just having an agreement that individuals be on time for a call was enough to force people out.

You may think this is a minor ask of people. “Why is it a big deal?”

What you do anywhere, you do everywhere.

If you compromise your integrity in even the smallest of places, what does the larger picture look like? I’m not perfect, and when I fall out of integrity, I clean it up. I own what I am and maintain integrity to my values, even if it means turning down work or leaving orbits of people I love but no longer resonate with.

One of the things I learned from opening restaurants was the concept of a transfer of company “culture.”

This was abundantly clear when we opened the Bubba Gump in Doha, Qatar. We went as an opening team for two weeks (I think the longest members stayed for three), and the goal was that when we left, the staff there would embody the “culture” of a Bubba Gump restaurant.

There was “fun” and “trivia” and “birthday celebrations” and “flow” and “full hands in, full hands out.” All of these things were part of the operating system of that restaurant. For us, the opening team, we had to make that culture was so pervasive that it would function on its own after we went back to the States.

Walking into that restaurant, an American Southern-themed Cajun spot, should feel the same in the Middle East as it did in Monterey, California, as it did in Galveston, Texas.

We succeeded because we were a well-selected team who shared the same values and were committed to creating those inside a new ecosystem, bringing our systems to their world.

As I’m navigating the density again alone, with my community of coaches sunset, I have discovered a new call to create.

There needs to be a third space for new world builders that retains integrity and serves to elevate the whole. I have a lot of individuals to support me in my life, but my community is gone. I think about the third space, and how people go to a bar to feel belonging. That third space is so important as right now many of us are scattered throughout the world and only loosely connected by LinkedIn and various other “programs.”

What about pure connection without purpose?

After a lot of thought, I’ve decided to create my own community called Homo sapiens 2.0.

It is an invite-only community for those like me, building the new world, choosing love over fear, and altering the systemic forces of the old world not with force, but with integrity, commitment, love, and creative power. We are committed to our freedom and showing others the way forward.

This is not a commodified place where you go to learn a skill. This also isn’t a spiritual hub where you go to float above the clouds and bypass the nature of being in the world.

This is a consortium for people actively in the world, working inside of businesses, working inside of the density, and showing others the massive creative power of their word.

I am writing about this to let people know it is happening, and if I haven’t reached out to you yet, but you think you should be on my list, reach out to me and tell me.

This community has no sales or agenda— I will not market to you. This is not a product you buy.

This will be something I spend my own money to create and maintain.

As it’s 2026 and the internet can be disgusting, I’ll tell you that while there are operating costs to having a community (which can go into the five figures, depending on how lean you keep it), a goal of mine is not first and foremost to figure out a way to “monetize it.”

I’m tired of things mislabeled “communities” that are just big funnels. Community is not a means to an end. Community is the point.

What I am creating is a sovereign, non-performative, high-resonance space for Homo sapiens 2.0— those who walk the earth consciously, not as teachers perched above, nor as reactionaries stuck below, but as builders within.

There is a lot of disruption that is about to happen, and people understanding their being in a deep and intimate way is how we create the new world, and the way forward.

Some of us remember the future.

If you’re called to what I said, please reach out and connect with me.

If you are too fearful to connect with me, a person you may have been reading for years, this community is not for you.

When you’re ready, and you will be, we will have the light on like a Motel 6.

Stay beautiful out there.

-Andee