Hi, my love
I had this wild moment recently where I got to see between the 0’s and the 1’s.
Normally, those moments only last a few minutes, but this one went on for HOURS. “Striking step with eternity in “the” reality.” It’s over now. I’m back to being in my ego, but those were a great few hours.
I don’t know what I saw in that reality. The birds and the humans seemed to move in rhythm with me, the horns honking, the people yelling. Ice cream and Ray’s Candy store.
Summer.
Young, beautiful people in beautiful bodies slinking by Cooper Union… the world belongs to them. I stepped in sync with three men exuding this passionate grace and confidence, and as we crossed Third Avenue together, my mind mused about what magic they’d create for us…
I always knew when I was that person—perhaps a gift. Perhaps I took it very seriously in 1999 when I heard Baz Luhrman say, “Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth,” over the radio.
I knew the power and beauty of it then, and as it fades now, I still see it as new. The experience for me is evolutionary. I notice the innocence with which men look at me, like young River. In between his moments of swagger, there’s this innocent gallantry that takes over when he catches my eye. It’s this shyness… like you’d look at your mother who just caught you doing something she was so proud of.
In those hours, during a 15-mile run, I remember seeing the same humans multiple times and trying to calculate logically, by pace, distance, and stride, how I could possibly have seen them twice. I was working equations in my head, factoring in my loop-backs, and then simply surrendered to the idea that perhaps, in the space between the code and the breakdown, they don’t really exist.
Non-player characters— the man I saw twice who had been at my race the day before. Was it an illusion? The same man? But yet it made sense in the rhythm that he’d strike step with me exactly as he did.
Everything is in a rhythm. Everything moves to music, all the time. Everything. A song of a moment.
And I write the music.
“I am.”
Loving you always,
Andee
Your letter is a beautiful and poetic reflection of a surreal experience. Your vivid descriptions transported me into your world, where rhythm and reality intertwine. The imagery of summer, youth, and the transient moments of connection are captivating.
"Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know."
Beauty and grace are sisters. Or two cats. Or Andee and Andrea.
XOXO