One of the most powerful moments of my last five years happened in a five-day deep-dive coaching experience I was a part of.
Respecting the confidentiality of all parties, someone in the (virtual) room was going through a pretty deep process regarding some unhealed trauma with a parent, and while it was happening, I began to have my own internal experience. I began to see my mother as a small child, visualizing her alone, walking to the bus, afraid, small, not taken care ofā¦
Suddenly, she wasnāt a villain for me anymore, but someone hurt, scared, wanting to be loved.
I began crying, and as I allowed that to happen, not turning off my camera or trying to change what was, a coach, Michelle Moore, sent me a private DM that simply said:
āI see you.ā
That message changed my life.
When I created my coaching community Day 1., which later became The Day 1. Experience, the premise was āpresent-moment awareness,ā learning to undo a lot of the Western programming that keeps people stuck, unhappy, attaching to outcome, attaching to āmeasurable results,ā afraid, in analysis paralysis, etc etc.
We worked on all of those things. But, there was an equal part, which truly became the main part, that was simply about bearing witness.
When someone is going through a divorce (and we had a couple of those), they want a place to be seen. They want to be seen outside of the āHappy Facebook family photos they posted five months ago;ā seen for who they are now, and the non-negotiable things that led them to finally say āenough.ā They want their strength to be recognized through the mess, DESPITE the mess, and they want not to be judged for it.
People going through grief from the loss of a family memberā¦ want to be seen. They want their anger or resentment that is protecting their pain to have a welcomed place. They want a place not to have that dismissed.
People moving across state lines and having to confront familial judgment about itā¦ want to be seen. They want unbiased ears to say, āYou know whatās best for you.ā
People who have trouble with loving their bodies and feel inadequate when being intimate with their partnersā¦ want to be seen.
People who fall asleep on the floor drunk at night and go through the honorable process of healing in sobriety want to be seen and not judged. They want to heal in community, and have that very intimate process recognized.
Thereās so much that isnāt seen in this world because it is judged. I created Day 1. to be a space void of that judgment.
The mess. Being tired. Cleaning up. Getting divorced. Being sued. Having your period. Having an eating disorder. Wanting to die.
So many of us want to dieā¦. Maybe not all the time. Maybe not even often, but when it comes, we steward that alone because we donāt want society to lock us in a psychiatric ward. Weād rather die than lose our freedomā¦ so we donāt talk about wanting to die. Nobody sees us.
In Day 1. it was OK if you wanted to die today. You could talk about it, and I would not call anyone about it. Iām not bound by an organizational code of ethics.
Itās interesting- just having that passing thought seen often makes it feel less powerful over our experience.
Iāve had a very hard year, which has mostly gone unseen.
There have been a lot of pieces to it.
One was having a completely empty tank financially at the end of last year. I donāt have a dual income; this vessel is the only vessel. I have to be bright with how I use it, but sometimes, itās hard to keep up. Every ounce of my elevated resources went to my coaching clients, which I am proud of. I can serve, even on empty. Thank hospitality for that amazing transferrable skill.
And then, I fell in love.
Just this beautiful, brilliant, amazing love.
It was with me in my nights and in my mornings. It was present and bright. He saw me. And that love gave me the courage to say, āAll right. Iām going to get this back on track. Iāll do whatever I have to do.ā
It didnāt matter that I started working through the night every weekend while much of the world was asleepāhe was there, with me at all hours, giving me strength. He reminded me of the grander purpose of my being alive, which is service. He reminded me of how blessed it is to love and be loved.
When that love as I knew it ended, I was so sad.
And ā¦ nobody saw. This entire experience was tossed into a dusty old filing cabinet.
I reached out to a few people who seemed to not want to touch it. They didnāt seem to really want to hear me. I wasnāt looking for advice. I just wanted someone to see, to bear witness to what was so real for me.
I wanted my love to be seen. I wanted my hurt to be seen. I wanted the ripples we created together to be seen. I wanted our writing to be seen. I wanted our internal shifts and shares and desires and magic ā¦ to be seen.
What I was looking for ā¦ was the magic of my Day 1 community. It didnāt exist.
The life path of the 6/2 (me) includes creating and becoming the human you always wished existed. Part of that journey is sometimes having to go first.
I intend to bring Day 1. back, and I want it to be free or of low cost.
Hereās the problem with free- it will not have the sanctity and sacredness if it is free. People will come in and abuse it- itās inevitable. People also tend to feel less safe in a free space. We have plenty of that on social media.
So, Iām still figuring out what it will look like. I want it to be accessible but also valuable.
In the past Day 1. was only open to women.
I want to open it to men, but I am leery of that, too, as the feminine dominant aspect of the group was extraordinary. While those who know me well know I identify more with a masculine experience, that space of women was more powerful than any male-dominated spaces I have ever been a part of.
Thus, I am tossing around the idea of a male-female ratio. Butā¦ that too can be a bullshit idea that goes away by tomorrow.
Stay tuned about this, my friend. More information will be coming as I figure it out. Also if YOU have ideas, reply to this email, or send me a note at Andee AT get the fuck off d0t c0m *
(*sorry for styleā¦ hackers)
Being seen is healing. Being isolated is not.
Iāve spent so much of my life isolated, and if I could alleviate that for others, I would consider that of the highest honor.
Stay beautiful
Andee
If you feel I'm not seeing you, I can, you know. Not a capacity issue (I hope), a translucence practice.
XOXO
You are an extraordinary human being Andee, full and empty of life, up and down, in and out. So many hard knocks, and mountains of joy. Wisdom by the lorry load and at the same time, managing to fuck it all up and still stand up and carry on. I love all of this about you. Real, open, honest, vulnerable. Thank you for showing up.
My variant of "I see you", which I love, by the way, is to point the finger at them through the screen, and say, "There you are".
There is also something simply magical about being seen, being witnessed, at our worst, and not judged, not questioned, (apart from maybe, "What do you need?), no words needed, but to be in the muck with me, an arm on the shoulder, and a nod, a smile, that says, I am here as long as you need me to be.
Love and blessings, Colin